here we go again...
I am home. I mean I am back from my home away from home.
One might think I am some sort of emotional masochist in the way I go and come from India so often. I leave fully well knowing that once I get back I'll be jetlagged, depressed, possibly sick, and yearning to go back. It happens each and every time, without fail. This time is no exception. I'm back to my living in the past phase...and I can't tell what the future will bring.
Coming home after being in India feels so strange. It is so hard to describe and I'm not sure I can do my feelings just by describing them here. But for some reason, writing always help to "heal" so I'll do my best here.
First of all, goodbyes are never easy, but they are especially difficult for me when it comes to leaving my family. I spent my entire last day sulking, feeling emotionally and physically sick to get on a plane home. The problem is not so much the leaving part, it is the "when will I see them again" part. When the time comes to say goodbye its like its unreal and I'm wishing the hugs will last just a few seconds longer...just a few minutes or hours longer. I'm wishing in the back of my mind that the pilots will strike and I'm forced to postpone my return for 2 days. I'm wishing I could get just a little more time to be with my fav person...
I get to Frankfurt, my transit airport, and I get the sudden feeling of loneliness. The airport is chaotic, people all around, the sounds of different languages are streaming from each direction. And I am on my own, stuck somewhere in between two homes. The travel is grueling and lacks any sort of enjoyment but I would gladly turn around and go back if I could. But then I know that the day would eventually come for me to say goodbye once again...and the circle would just continue.
Each time I come back I know that my ill feelings won't last forever. A day will come when it won't be so hard. Until that time I have to immerse myself as best I can in my life back home. Get myself caught up on all the things I have missed out on while I was gone. The trouble is that while I am with my family, I am not "missing out" on anything else anywhere.
What I need is some sort on intravenous dose of home. I need something to get my mind off of the fact that I am missing my family and their lives in India. I need to prevent myself from getting deeper into this funk. I want to be able to enjoy all the things I enjoy about home and my friends and family here. But that will take time. And it most probably won't come when my body and mind are still stuck on Indian Standard Time. Right now, my stomach turns and my heart aches a little bit. It may take a few weeks to get over, but whenever that is I welcome it.
Perhaps, the feeling won't end until I determine..."when will I see them again"?
One might think I am some sort of emotional masochist in the way I go and come from India so often. I leave fully well knowing that once I get back I'll be jetlagged, depressed, possibly sick, and yearning to go back. It happens each and every time, without fail. This time is no exception. I'm back to my living in the past phase...and I can't tell what the future will bring.
Coming home after being in India feels so strange. It is so hard to describe and I'm not sure I can do my feelings just by describing them here. But for some reason, writing always help to "heal" so I'll do my best here.
First of all, goodbyes are never easy, but they are especially difficult for me when it comes to leaving my family. I spent my entire last day sulking, feeling emotionally and physically sick to get on a plane home. The problem is not so much the leaving part, it is the "when will I see them again" part. When the time comes to say goodbye its like its unreal and I'm wishing the hugs will last just a few seconds longer...just a few minutes or hours longer. I'm wishing in the back of my mind that the pilots will strike and I'm forced to postpone my return for 2 days. I'm wishing I could get just a little more time to be with my fav person...
I get to Frankfurt, my transit airport, and I get the sudden feeling of loneliness. The airport is chaotic, people all around, the sounds of different languages are streaming from each direction. And I am on my own, stuck somewhere in between two homes. The travel is grueling and lacks any sort of enjoyment but I would gladly turn around and go back if I could. But then I know that the day would eventually come for me to say goodbye once again...and the circle would just continue.
Each time I come back I know that my ill feelings won't last forever. A day will come when it won't be so hard. Until that time I have to immerse myself as best I can in my life back home. Get myself caught up on all the things I have missed out on while I was gone. The trouble is that while I am with my family, I am not "missing out" on anything else anywhere.
What I need is some sort on intravenous dose of home. I need something to get my mind off of the fact that I am missing my family and their lives in India. I need to prevent myself from getting deeper into this funk. I want to be able to enjoy all the things I enjoy about home and my friends and family here. But that will take time. And it most probably won't come when my body and mind are still stuck on Indian Standard Time. Right now, my stomach turns and my heart aches a little bit. It may take a few weeks to get over, but whenever that is I welcome it.
Perhaps, the feeling won't end until I determine..."when will I see them again"?
3 comments:
Its ok buddy .... hang in there !!!
I spent 5 hours alone in Frankfurt once connecting from Athens. It was awful. Goodbyes are awful. But you know what can help? Driving SOUTH! :) Well maybe not, but it's worth a shot, right?
I think you should come to your real home...the Queen City.
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