"Yesterday"

Things that I miss:

• Eating mangos from India (because they are SO much better than these Mexican ones)
• Having a cell phone signal in my house
• McDonald's birthday parties
• Having 'deep thoughts' with my friend and college roommate Sarah...then pulling pranks with her (most often on Jana)
• Wearing flip flops outside
• Old fashioned letters (stamped envelopes and everything)
• Family dinners
• Having the time to read good books
• After school snacks and Degrassi Junior High (the old school version)
• My self-proclaimed Delhi house...and the people who lived in it
• 99 cents/gallon gasoline
• Watching original airings of the Golden Girls with my mom
• Team bus rides to games/meets
• Having a head without recurring gray hairs (yeah, seriously)
• Not having to think about what I eat (not that I really care so much now anyways)
• Back to school shopping sprees

"Snow (Hey Oh)" part two

This is the view from my room this morning. And there is more to come. All this and no snow day...which doesn't surprise me. Since the road crews around here are pretty worthless I'm not looking forward to cruising to school at 35mph tonight. My boss gave me about 10 days worth of work to finish in 3, but I'm feeling very demotivated by looking outside right now. Perhaps I should shut all the blinds, eat pineapple, and have beach movies playing in the background all day. Any suggestions?

"Snow (Hey Oh)"

I used to love winter. Up until maybe last year I would get so excited just to see snowflakes lightly fall from the sky. Now...I kinda hate it. Maybe it's just too cold outside for me to think straight but I really feel like I have lost my love for winter. It doesn't help when a mere 1 inch of snow overwhelms county road crews and practically debilitates a city.
At the risk of making it seem as if I have come down with a form of SAD (seasonal affective disorder), I'll just say that I no longer like winter and I am eagerly awaiting above freezing temps.

See right about now a power cut in the middle of a Delhi summer sounds pretty damn good.

"With a Little Help From My Friends"

So lately, if you haven't noticed, I've been labeling my posts with song titles (or album titles). Call it my ode to Grey's or just blame it on my ever-growing music/lyrics fetish. So far I haven't had a problem recalling a song to compliment my post, but I suspect I might draw a blank the day I write about marsupials in Africa. For fear of not being able to think of a title perhaps I just won't write about that.

However, this post posed no problem in thinking of a title. It's my tribute to my multi-talented cousin. He's more than just family, he's one of my best friends. And I gotta say he's not so bad with the flash animations either. Props to him for the header and flash animations on this page.
He's my go-to-guy whenever I have a tech question...or when I need a much sought after album ;)...or just when I feel like laughing. Much thanks to him for helping me pimp this blog space. Thanks, bro...what would I do without you.

"Waiting on the World to Change"

This song by John Mayer is so great. It was not until recently that I realized this guy has amazing lyrics. And this song is just one example.

Me and all my friends
We're all misunderstood
They say we stand for nothing and
There's no way we ever could
Now we see everything is going wrong
With the world and those who lead it
We just feel like we don't have the means
To rise above and beat it

So we keep waiting (waiting)
Waiting on the world to change
We keep on waiting (waiting)
Waiting on the world to change
It’s hard to beat the system
When we're standing at a distance
So we keep waiting (waiting)
Waiting on the world to change

Now if we had the power
To bring our neighbors home from war
They would have never missed a Christmas
No more ribbons on their door
When you trust your television
What you get is what you got
‘Cuz’ when they own the information ooohhh,
They can bend it all they want

It's not that we don't care
We just know that the fight ain't fair
So we keep waiting (waiting)
Waiting on the world to change

One day our generation
Is gonna rule the population
So we keep on waiting (waiting)
Waiting on the world to change

Do you ever feel like the world's leaders are just taking us backwards? There is all this talk about the main goal of wars and conflicts being to make the world a better place for our children. Is it? ...Or is this post just way beyond casual conversation? I think the latter.

"The Great Burrito Extortion Case"

It's FREE BURRITO DAY!!

"Good Times, Bad Times"

This past Sunday I took my mom to a one-time showing of the Hindi film "Guru" in Toledo. Screenings of Hindi films in the United States are hard to come by so I jumped at the chance to catch this one.
The movie is a "fictional" account of a young man from a village in India who sets off to work and prosper in Turkey. Slowly but surely he progresses from selling petrol cans from the back of a truck to being offered a supervisor position at a petrochemical plant. Rather than taking the job he tells his brother, "I'm good enough that they like my work...so why should I keep working for the 'white' man." So he packs up and heads back to India to build his own textile empire, from the ground up.
The path he takes from that point on is not always tried and true, but it evetually gets him to where he wants to be. Along the way feelings are hurt, lives are seemingly shattered, and hearts are broken. Yet, at the same time, love is had, friendships are strengthened, and futures are sealed. The film depicts many of the good times, and also many of the bad. The dynamic lies in realizing who and what is real in the both the good times and the bad.

It's so easy for friends, family, and even acquaintances to be there for us in the good times. Who wouldn't want to be? When the sun is shining, the wine is flowing, and business is good, its easy to find someone to share it with. The true test is to see who comes knocking on the door when the skies are cloudy and business is bad. The true 'friend' wants even more to be there in the bad times than in the good.

"Let the Music Play"

Here are my thoughts on music:

I love it. I love it all. Well not so much the rap and the country and the heavy metal, but just about everything else I can manage to get into.

The great thing about the music I like is that it's so diverse. I have two mp3 players and on both of them I can find a song to perfectly compliment any mood or character.
If I'm feeling sad I might cue up "Hallelujah" by Jeff Buckley or "Tears in Heaven" by Eric Clapton.
If I'm working out it might just be something from Linkin Park's Reanimation album.
When I'm driving I'll listen to anything from "Stolen Away on 55th & 3rd" by DMB to "You Know My Name" by Chris Cornell to maybe even a little "66" by Afghan Whigs. ;)

Whatever I'm doing, wherever I am, life seems so much better with that perfect song accompanying me along.

Then there is the art of making the perfect mix. Making a great mix or playlist, a compilation of songs that can hit every nerve yet completely encompass your current state of mind, is not an easy task. Yeah, its easy to drag a bunch of songs onto a window and click the burn tab, but selection is key. That playlist is no good unless each and every song is out loud singable word for word. Each of those songs has to...evoke a feeling, a memory...inspire you, exhilirate you...or just artfully assuage you.

For me, the best songs are the ones that distinctly remind me of people in my life and the specific times in our lives that we shared listening to those songs. Who says the term "our song" is reserved for only romantic couples? When a song creates a memory between you and me, it's "our song." And when a song becomes a memory, it's music to my ears.

So, the next time you find yourself making a new playlist in iTunes or a new mix for the car, take a few minutes to find those songs that incite vivid emotion in you. Choose the ones that remind you of good times, or maybe even some bad times. Conjure up those memories of where you've been and who you have been there with...and use them to propel you to wherever you are headed.

Feel Good List vol.1

Today's Piscean horoscope tells me to try something new. So I'm catching on to a spark of ambition and bringing you the first installment of Amulya's Feel Good List. I say I'm being ambitious just because who knows if I'll remember to write even vol.2!

Nevertheless, here begins a periodic list of some of the things that are making me feel good, happy, or just plain content right about now.

Amulya's Feel Good List - Volume 1:

1) The space heater in my room. I tend to stick my feet right under it and there might not be a better comfort feeling than that.
2) My iPod playlist entitled "doppleganger". It's cued up with an eclectic mix of tunes that takes me through lots of thoughts, feelings, and memories (which is a blog post for another day).
3) Coke Zero. Quite possibly the greatest beverage invention since...well...water.
4) Free Grey's Anatomy on ABC.com. Seriously...I love that I can watch Grey's any day, any time.
5) The fact that in the past 5 days I have had such great conversations with so many friends and family. Whether its on the phone, online, or in person, it always ends with me having a smile on my face.
6) Chipotle. Needs no explanation. Expect this to be in every volume.
7) Little Miss Sunshine. It's dark, but so funny. It's crude, but so touching. Great film.
8) Filling out my application for graduation. And deciding not to walk at graduation.
9) Running on the new treadmill my sister and Ludger bought for us. I give it my best Prefontaine.
10) Getting comments on my blog posts. ;)

Happy Harvest

I find it only fitting on this blog so often visited by those of varying faiths to enlighten you all about the holiday or festival of sorts being celebrated in my family and in my house this weekend.

I am not an expert by any means on the meanings or customs associated with this holiday, but here is just a short recap of how I recall my uncle explaining it to me:

Every January 14th marks the start of the three day Hindu festival known as Makara Sankranthi in parts of South India. "Kranthi" stands for 'change' and "Sankrathi" thus takes the meaning 'secured change' or 'change for good'. It signifies the day that brings us from darkness to light as the sun begins on its northward journey signaling the approaching summer. On this day, the sun enters into Makara (Capricorn).

Along with the mark of the sun, Sankrathi, in Southern India, represents the reaping of the harvest for farmers and sets off the biggest harvest festival in India, spread over three days of celebration. The advent of the holiday is associated with the removal of any rubbish or unused materials in life, symbolizing the destruction of evil.

Sankrathi, taking on many meanings, also reminds us to continue on our journey of intellectual illumination. We must have the ability to discriminate between right and wrong, just and unjust, virtue and vice. Light, on this holiday, symbolizes virtues of the heart - love, affection, and warmth.

So this is my attempt to give a little back to my favorite Jesus fans out there... Just to give you a little glimpse into one small part of my faith.

need for speed

Nowadays I have no patience for slow drivers. I take that back. I have no patience for all drivers. Every night after class I find myself weaving in and out of whatever line of cars is in front of me, no matter how big or small the passing space may be. I'm riding bumpers like I am training to be Jana. The needle rarely drops below 50 on city roads. I feel as if the guy in front of me will get out of his car at a stop light and serve me a summons to People's Court.

I don't know what it is that has gotten into me lately. I just have this need for speed on the roads. Any car in front of me better be ready for some intense a**-riding. I've always been a speeder, but now it's just ridiculous!

the gadget era - a rebuttal

I object to my own opening statements...

I WANT IT!

the gadget era

Soon to be released Apple iPhone...

Now is this really necessary??

When will it end Apple? When will it end?!?

best part of the day

What is the best part of your day?

Lately I have seen all hours of the day. In the past 5 days I have been awake to face the world at least once for every hour of the day and night. And in the past 5 days I've been trying to determine what is the best part of the day for me.
Different times of day (or night) bring up different feelings in me. Of course there is nothing fun about being awake at 4am in total silence and solitude. That time of the day is almost depressing for the sole reason that there is no one to whom I could turn. With the rise of the sun, around 8am, comes an almost rejuvenated spirit in the prospects of the day. There is a full agenda and much to be done. Whether or not it all gets done is another matter, but I am mentally equipped to do it all. Yet, I think it is not until after sunset, those first few hours of the night that bring out the best in me. Primetime is in fact my prime time. It is one of the only times of the day where I am so awake and so ready to take on what lies before me. It is the time when I can say I have accomplished all that I had intended to today and now is my time to enjoy. It is that time when I get to interact with the people in my daily life that matter. I'll get a phone call from family or friends. I will go to the den and joke with my mom. I will go to dinner or just hang out with my closest friends. Each of these things gives me the feeling that I'm not alone in the world...and I can tackle anything. So for that reason, it is the best part of my day.

For most of us, our days are so routine and possibly even quite monotonous. What part of your day brings out the best in you? What part of your day makes you the happiest?

cha cha cha changes

I'm slowly getting back to reality. My last semester of education ever started yesterday and my new internship kicks off today. I'm still not totally adjusted to EST but I'm improving in that department day by day (well kind of). At least this morning I only got up at 4:45am...that's progress folks!
So I only have two courses to finish up this semester. I thought it would be a cake walk, but after sitting through the first one I'm a little doubtful. This guy is a little intimidating. Funny, but a little intimidating. Or maybe I'm just still not mentally prepared for returning to all the stresses of school.
While at Miami I used to have the most difficult time dealing with the change of coming back to school after a break. After three weeks of winter vacation I suddenly found myself thrown back into the swing of campus life, textbooks, and lectures. I was around new people for the first time in three weeks and even though I loved them and thought they were great I just could not deal with being back at school. It always took at least a week for me to get the feel back and live in the moment.
All in all I guess I don't deal well with change. I welcome change if it's ultimately for the better, but that doesn't mean its easy for me to deal with. Wherever I am, whatever I am doing, I try to make the most of it. So I tend to make myself as comfortable as I can be in the situation and environment I am in. Pulling me out of that situation then throws me for a loop, and it takes a little time for me to find my comfort again.
Life is constant change though, right? We will be forced into new environments, new situations for the rest of our lives, whether it be temporary or permanent. I wonder if the ability to deal with change ever gets stronger, or if it is a personality trait that sticks with you all your life. I personally hope my ability gets stronger so that I can easily find my comfort and start to live my life to the fullest faster.

addictions

My life is full of addictions. Addictions to nothing that threatens my life or threatens the life of others, but addictions nonetheless. When I find something or someone new that just makes me happy or gives me even a little enjoyment I get hooked. Some foods get me physically addicted, while there are people and things that simply have me hooked emotionally.

A recent addition to my list...Chipotle. Though I'm sure most of you would agree with me on this one also. All in all, I am just addicted to good food, whether that be Chipotle or home cooking.

India: In the end it is my motherland. Had you asked me even 5 years ago if I would ever be as hooked on it as I am now I would have said no and written you off as crazy. Yet, here we are in 2007 and I have just wrapped up my 7th trip there in 3.5 years. I may never settle there, in fact I don't plan on it, but I would have serious withdrawal without visiting often. It's vastly different from anywhere I was raised, yet I don't imagine ever losing this feeling I have for India.

Blogspot: jana, and Annie, and Liz made me do it. Thanks for supporting this addiction ;) It's soothing when I need to vent, and its just fun when I want to kid.

My favorite person...my cousin Srikar: I didn't really get to know this guy until a few years ago, but I'm so glad I did. He's got a great head on his shoulders and I know he's going places. I may not talk to him everyday and sometimes that's tough. Yet, when we do talk I am simply so happy and can't help but smile.

My family: my mom and all her siblings and their families are a dynamic group of individuals. Life is not always roses with this family but the good far outweighs the bad. Through it all I am obssessed with every facet of their lives and I would not give them up for anything in the world. Much like I am with my cousin, when I get up in the morning and all throughout the day I will automatically calculate the time difference in my head and wonder what they are doing at that moment. My daily thoughts are caught up in them, no matter where I am and what I may be doing. That's an addiction.

The Internet: I really don't know how I ever lived without it. It all started with AOL back in 7th grade and look where I've come. I'm blogging about it. I now check my email maybe 20 times a day. I am such a slave to cyberspace.

Photos: If you've been in my room (or an my blog) you know about this one. There is hardly wall space remaining and absolutely no table space left without frames on it. There are photos of family and friends in my car, all over the house, on my iPod, on every computer in the house, and on every possible photo hosting site I am registered with. Photos capture memories for me and I love having visible memories all around me.

As long as I'm alive and for as long as I have a heart I'll be forming new addictions...to people and places and things. Most of them will come and go, but only a few will remain engraved in me. These are the addictions that I don't mind having, that the world doesn't mind me having. I'm in a way grateful to all of these things, because in some way or another they shape me and make me what I am. These addictions are at the foundation of what drives me. So isn't that what an addiction does? What are your addictions?

wasting time and finding meaning

The past few days I have felt like I am just going through the motions. I won't say I'm in a funk or depression of any sort, I have just been in a daze. I haven't really done much. Today the most exciting and energy exerting thing I did was go to Meijer to buy vegetables. My sleeping patterns are totally off and when I am not sleeping I am in such a daze that I don't even feel like talking. Words just come out jumbled. Today I said something to the cashier that sort of resembled early Aramaic. I think she might have thought I was high.
And I feel like all I have been doing is complaining. Well I know all I have been doing is complaining...on this blog at least for the past few days. So my apologies for that. However, for some reason its a little therapeutic. Especially when there is no one else to communicate with at 3am.
Lately, I have been making myself a little sick over what I am doing, where I am going. Coming home has forced me to get reacquainted with the trials and tribulations of life. Being away on vacation and in India put a complete stop to any worry in my life. Somewhere in my mind I thought, before leaving on my trip, that once I returned everything would be better. All the problems, all the worry would have somehow been washed away. Of course, they are still here. And coupled with a healthy dose of jetlag its put me in quite a daze. I don't know what to try and wrap my head around first.
I am starting this new internship on Monday, along with starting my final semester of MBA. It's that weird time when I am so eager to be done with my education but I am so nervous about securing that great job after it ends. This internship is not paid, but it presents me with unmatched experience in a field I could really excel in. But me having an unpaid internship makes me feel a little useless at this point in time.
Then some astrologer guy told my family in India that the stars say my time to marry is within the next 2-3 years. After that window, it may be very difficult for me to settle down. Hah, well thats great news. Tack on another to the list of worries. ;) Not that it is a worry, but it is just one more thing in troubling times. The last thing on my mind right now is getting married.
All I can think about is getting some security for myself and my family. I just hope that I can land some incredible job for after graduation. The anticipation kills me, and until it happens I know it will be a continuing struggle of sorts. For me, the hardest thing in life is dealing with the unknown. I am fine with whatever comes my way...I will find a way to handle it and deal with it. The problem is that I have trouble dealing with the anticipation. I want to know that everything is going to be ok or that there will some bump in the road in the future.
So for me, in the past few days, I have mostly been lying around turning my stomach over the anticipation, the unknown. I want so badly for everything to be ok and to be ok fast. I want to know that there is light at the end of the tunnel. I have this undying wish for my entire family to be together, spend their lives all together. Enjoy the ups and see each other through the downs. It's a big wish. I don't know if its totally unrealistic, but I know its a big wish. And I know the road to it is very long.

up all night

I'M HAVING TROUBLE SLEEPING... and that is an understatement. I woke up at 2:30am, but I guess in all fairness I have to admit that I went to sleep at 4pm. Woke up in between at 9pm, thought heavily about going downstairs to eat something, but decided bed sounded like a better deal.
It's so strange being wide awake when the world around you is sleeping. First of all, there is absolutely nothing in TV. Second of all, there is next to no one online. At least no sane person in my time zone. So the next best thing to wile away the time - until the world wakes up - is to blog. So here I am.
I'm feeling a little bad because I really wanted to see my friends tonight but I just couldn't stay awake past 4pm. It would be really nice to see them and just hang out, get my mind back into "home" mode and get caught up on their lives from the past 3 weeks. But hopefully there will be time for that this weekend.
I have been living my life for the past 36 hours mainly out of my bed. Either sleeping or wasting time on the laptop. There is even a load of laundry that has been sitting in the washing machine for the past 16 hours. How lazy am I.
So back to this being awake when the world around me isn't thing... It really feels quite strange. I look out the window and I can hardly see a thing, only distant outdoor houselights. Its pin drop silence and one would think the world is so quiet, so safe. We could only wish. In just a few hours life outside will be bustling again. Engines will start, phones will ring, TVs and stereos will blare. You see, it is one of the biggest differences between India and here. Well in particular India and Ohio... Here it is silent at night, not a thing can be heard apart from the occassional faint horn of a train or the heat switching on or off. In India it is a completely different story. At all hours sirens blare, motorcycle engines rev, drunk men scream and shout, and of course during the Christmas holidays carolers get into prime time around 3am. There is never a dull moment.

burritos in space

I am afraid a new obssession has been created in one single act of impulsion. There is a burrito in my stomach, and I do not believe for one second that it will be the last one today. I think I may have unleased a beast within myself. God help me. For I can't resist something so bad, yet so so good.

here we go again...

I am home. I mean I am back from my home away from home.
One might think I am some sort of emotional masochist in the way I go and come from India so often. I leave fully well knowing that once I get back I'll be jetlagged, depressed, possibly sick, and yearning to go back. It happens each and every time, without fail. This time is no exception. I'm back to my living in the past phase...and I can't tell what the future will bring.

Coming home after being in India feels so strange. It is so hard to describe and I'm not sure I can do my feelings just by describing them here. But for some reason, writing always help to "heal" so I'll do my best here.
First of all, goodbyes are never easy, but they are especially difficult for me when it comes to leaving my family. I spent my entire last day sulking, feeling emotionally and physically sick to get on a plane home. The problem is not so much the leaving part, it is the "when will I see them again" part. When the time comes to say goodbye its like its unreal and I'm wishing the hugs will last just a few seconds longer...just a few minutes or hours longer. I'm wishing in the back of my mind that the pilots will strike and I'm forced to postpone my return for 2 days. I'm wishing I could get just a little more time to be with my fav person...
I get to Frankfurt, my transit airport, and I get the sudden feeling of loneliness. The airport is chaotic, people all around, the sounds of different languages are streaming from each direction. And I am on my own, stuck somewhere in between two homes. The travel is grueling and lacks any sort of enjoyment but I would gladly turn around and go back if I could. But then I know that the day would eventually come for me to say goodbye once again...and the circle would just continue.
Each time I come back I know that my ill feelings won't last forever. A day will come when it won't be so hard. Until that time I have to immerse myself as best I can in my life back home. Get myself caught up on all the things I have missed out on while I was gone. The trouble is that while I am with my family, I am not "missing out" on anything else anywhere.
What I need is some sort on intravenous dose of home. I need something to get my mind off of the fact that I am missing my family and their lives in India. I need to prevent myself from getting deeper into this funk. I want to be able to enjoy all the things I enjoy about home and my friends and family here. But that will take time. And it most probably won't come when my body and mind are still stuck on Indian Standard Time. Right now, my stomach turns and my heart aches a little bit. It may take a few weeks to get over, but whenever that is I welcome it.
Perhaps, the feeling won't end until I determine..."when will I see them again"?

my past, present, and future

Do you live in the past, present, or for the future?
I feel like I do it all. There are times when I am wishing my life away, waiting for some future event. The time comes and I sit and soak up every square inch of the present. Afterwards I will feel myself reaching back for the past, doing anything it takes to get back those feelings.
It happens all the time with me. I am constantly living day by day for one thing. In most cases that thing is coming here to my family. For the past three or four years it has been the one thing that motivates me, that serves as my "light at the end of the tunnel" each day as I go through life. All the stress, all the work, all the pleasure, and all the pain are justified when I look at the calendar and see my future travel date. Until the I get some kind of booking to come back here I feel lost for motive and a little empty. It may sound strange but it's just the way it is with me. I don't know why. I don't know what it is that makes it so hard for me to adjust to being back home after being here in India. I'm leaving for home in less than 24 hours and it's already starting make my stomach roll. While I am here, no matter how long or short the duration, I feel so at home. It's as if I have been here all my life. I can't describe the loneliness felt as I sit down on the plane to fly home. Each time I get home and its like home is foreign to me. I'm no longer brushing my teeth with bottled water, I'm eating comparably bland food, and even tv programming seems awful. Throw in a massive dose of jet lag and I'm looking at at least 2 weeks of adjustment time. To be honest, it takes making a plan for my next trip to get me going. Until that time I am just going through the motions, reaching back for the past in any way I can.

So, today I have to live to the utmost in the present. Tomorrow I'll live a little in the past.

helllllooooo 2007

FROHES NEUEU JAHR 2007!! I hope that means happy new year and not "your mother is fat".

I just had two of the best nights with my family ever. Sadly the focus was on alcohol, but it was great nonetheless. As we all know, alcohol brings out the truth...and these past two nights have been no exception. We spent New Years eve at my uncles place eating, drinking, and being merry. Last night we had dinner at my aunt's place doing the same. My family is a little nuts. Nuts much in the same way that most families are...but mostly for the fact that there are so many of us and each of us is so distinct. There is never a dull moment, but I wouldn't have it any other way. There is just something about laughing with my family that I would never give up for anything in the world.