wasting time and finding meaning

The past few days I have felt like I am just going through the motions. I won't say I'm in a funk or depression of any sort, I have just been in a daze. I haven't really done much. Today the most exciting and energy exerting thing I did was go to Meijer to buy vegetables. My sleeping patterns are totally off and when I am not sleeping I am in such a daze that I don't even feel like talking. Words just come out jumbled. Today I said something to the cashier that sort of resembled early Aramaic. I think she might have thought I was high.
And I feel like all I have been doing is complaining. Well I know all I have been doing is complaining...on this blog at least for the past few days. So my apologies for that. However, for some reason its a little therapeutic. Especially when there is no one else to communicate with at 3am.
Lately, I have been making myself a little sick over what I am doing, where I am going. Coming home has forced me to get reacquainted with the trials and tribulations of life. Being away on vacation and in India put a complete stop to any worry in my life. Somewhere in my mind I thought, before leaving on my trip, that once I returned everything would be better. All the problems, all the worry would have somehow been washed away. Of course, they are still here. And coupled with a healthy dose of jetlag its put me in quite a daze. I don't know what to try and wrap my head around first.
I am starting this new internship on Monday, along with starting my final semester of MBA. It's that weird time when I am so eager to be done with my education but I am so nervous about securing that great job after it ends. This internship is not paid, but it presents me with unmatched experience in a field I could really excel in. But me having an unpaid internship makes me feel a little useless at this point in time.
Then some astrologer guy told my family in India that the stars say my time to marry is within the next 2-3 years. After that window, it may be very difficult for me to settle down. Hah, well thats great news. Tack on another to the list of worries. ;) Not that it is a worry, but it is just one more thing in troubling times. The last thing on my mind right now is getting married.
All I can think about is getting some security for myself and my family. I just hope that I can land some incredible job for after graduation. The anticipation kills me, and until it happens I know it will be a continuing struggle of sorts. For me, the hardest thing in life is dealing with the unknown. I am fine with whatever comes my way...I will find a way to handle it and deal with it. The problem is that I have trouble dealing with the anticipation. I want to know that everything is going to be ok or that there will some bump in the road in the future.
So for me, in the past few days, I have mostly been lying around turning my stomach over the anticipation, the unknown. I want so badly for everything to be ok and to be ok fast. I want to know that there is light at the end of the tunnel. I have this undying wish for my entire family to be together, spend their lives all together. Enjoy the ups and see each other through the downs. It's a big wish. I don't know if its totally unrealistic, but I know its a big wish. And I know the road to it is very long.