my past, present, and future

Do you live in the past, present, or for the future?
I feel like I do it all. There are times when I am wishing my life away, waiting for some future event. The time comes and I sit and soak up every square inch of the present. Afterwards I will feel myself reaching back for the past, doing anything it takes to get back those feelings.
It happens all the time with me. I am constantly living day by day for one thing. In most cases that thing is coming here to my family. For the past three or four years it has been the one thing that motivates me, that serves as my "light at the end of the tunnel" each day as I go through life. All the stress, all the work, all the pleasure, and all the pain are justified when I look at the calendar and see my future travel date. Until the I get some kind of booking to come back here I feel lost for motive and a little empty. It may sound strange but it's just the way it is with me. I don't know why. I don't know what it is that makes it so hard for me to adjust to being back home after being here in India. I'm leaving for home in less than 24 hours and it's already starting make my stomach roll. While I am here, no matter how long or short the duration, I feel so at home. It's as if I have been here all my life. I can't describe the loneliness felt as I sit down on the plane to fly home. Each time I get home and its like home is foreign to me. I'm no longer brushing my teeth with bottled water, I'm eating comparably bland food, and even tv programming seems awful. Throw in a massive dose of jet lag and I'm looking at at least 2 weeks of adjustment time. To be honest, it takes making a plan for my next trip to get me going. Until that time I am just going through the motions, reaching back for the past in any way I can.

So, today I have to live to the utmost in the present. Tomorrow I'll live a little in the past.